Duz Tha Speak Yorkshire?

Get the joke?

A Yorkshire man takes his cat to the vet.

Yorkshireman: "Ayup, lad, I need to talk to thee about me cat."

Vet: "Is it a tom?"

Yorkshireman: "Nay, I've browt it with us."

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A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone yer daft bugger!"

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Police have just released details of a new drug craze that is being carried out in Yorkshire nightclubs.

Apparently, Yorkshire club goers have started injecting Ectasy just above their front teeth.

Police say the dangerous practice is called "e by gum"

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Bloke from Barnsley with piles asks chemist "Nah then lad, does tha sell arse cream?"

Chemist replies "Aye, Magnum or Cornetto?"

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The world of words

The Philosophy of Ambiguity

FOR THOSE WHO LOVE THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES OF ENGLISH:


1. DON'T SWEAT THE PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY THINGS.

2. ONE TEQUILA, TWO TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4. IF MAN EVOLVED FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND APES?

5. THE MAIN REASON THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6. I WENT TO A BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF- HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT THE PURPOSE.

7. WHAT IF THERE WERE NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8. IF A DEAF CHILD SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH SOAP?

9. IF SOMEONE WITH MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10.. IS THERE ANOTHER WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11. WHERE DO FOREST RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED PLANT?

13. IF A PARSLEY FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS WAGES?

14. WOULD A FLY WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15. WHY DO THEY LOCK PETROL STATION BATHROOMS? ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16. IF A TURTLE DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR NAKED?

17. CAN VEGETARIANS EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18. IF THE POLICE ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT?

19. WHY DO THEY PUT BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK MACHINES?

20. HOW DO THEY GET DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD SIGNS?

21. WHAT WAS THE BEST THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22. ONE NICE THING ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.

23. DOES THE LITTLE MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24. DO INFANTS ENJOY INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY ADULTERY?

25. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26. IF ONE SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN TOO?

27. IF YOU ATE BOTH PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE HUNGRY?

28. IF YOU TRY TO FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU DONE?

29. WHOSE CRUEL IDEA WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN IT?

30. WHY ARE HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF "ASSTEROIDS"?

31. WHY IS IT CALLED TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT THEM?

32. WHY IS THERE AN EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33. IF YOU SPIN AN ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME DISORIENTED?

34. CAN AN ATHEIST GET INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD

Have fun, Carol x

Contrast

Found this interesting sharing via Facebook. People are often amazed by the opposite attraction. Don't you agree?

Brain Study

I can read this without any problem, can you?

F1gur471v3ly 5p34k1ng?

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.
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Do not under estimate things can be done by kids

And she's only 3 1/2 years old, so cute ^_^

E-mail from Gmail Management

Seriously what will you do if you receive such love letter? Kindly let me know :)

Party VIP style @7aste Queenstown at Johor Bahru

Spotted Suresh asking blogger friends from FaceBook if anyone is interested to join him to party like a RockStar at Johore coming 10 June. Since I never been to any clubs in JB and I'm gonna travel back to Singapore from home for my best friend's wedding, I'm excited to attend this premium event.

Hhmm... Wonder what is it about the smoothness for the 3 nights event? What lies in Queenstown New Zealand? Will there be a free trip for the lucky winner? Seriously I won't know unless my sophisticated blogger friend Suresh is gonna take me this genuine party of my life! Please bring me with you, I have not been party for ages and you know it!

P/S: Wonder if I'm gonna meet any old pals in such event since I've been away from blogging events for quite some times =X

Obedient Wives Club to offer sex lessons on how to pleasure husbands

Erm... Guys, seriously will you stop f*cking around if your gf/wive make sure you're always happy in bed (only)? Just curious...

RAWANG: Sex lessons to help wives “serve their husbands better than a first-class prostitute” will be among the courses provided by the Obedient Wives Club (OWC) to help promote harmonious marriages and counter social ills.

Its vice-president Dr Rohaya Mohamad said it was time sexual prowess took a front seat in marriage beyond the traditional “good mother or good cook” roles.

Ishak Md Nor (centre) poses with two of his three wives, Aishah Ghafar (left) and second wife Afiratul Abidah Anan and three of his nine children, at the launch of The Obedient Wives Club in Kuala Lumpur on Saturday.

“A good or religious wife is also sexually good in bed,” she told reporters after the launch of the club's Malaysian chapter at the Perangsang Templer Golf Club Saturday.

A husband who was kept happy in the bedroom would have no reason to stray or seek out prostitutes or indulge in other social vices, said Dr Rohaya, who was a medical doctor for 15 years in the Health Ministry before taking a leadership role in the club.

“The family institution is protected and we can curb social ills like prostitution, domestic violence, human trafficking and abandoned babies,” she said, adding that she believed these problems stemmed from unfulfilled sexual needs at home.

Dr Rohaya, said the club would also offer counselling and lecture sessions for wives, husbands or couples.

She said the Malaysian chapter had around 800 members while its Jordan chapter had 200, with the Indonesian chapter set to be launched on June 19 in Jakarta.

When questioned whether wives should remain obedient if their husbands still abused or cheated on them with prostitutes, Dr Rohaya said everyone was subject to God's rule.

“God has his ways and is fair to all. A husband is also subject to God's rule, meaning he can go to hell too. But a woman must be a good wife to the end,” she said, adding that according to Islam, women should pray, fast during Ramadhan, protect their chastity and obey their husbands if they wanted to enter Heaven.

OWC and the Polygamy Club was formed by Global Ikhwan Sdn Bhd, an organisation founded by former members of the banned Al-Arqam Islamic group.

A mass wedding reception for eight couples was also held during the launch.

The brides were aged 18 to 22 while the grooms were aged 20 to 48. All are OWC members and agreed that disobedient wives were the cause of many social ills.

Source: The Star

Difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED

Difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISHED....

But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE....

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.....

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are...

COMPLETELY FINISHED...!!!

Have a great day!

400 people volunteered for a one-way trip to Mars

Happy Birthday everyone! Today is 初七 (the 7th day of Chinese New Year), traditionally known as “renri” (人日), the common man's birthday and the day when everyone grows one year older.

Want to make Mars home sweet home?
(Photo by ESA via Getty Images)

Sure, most of us are curious about what life on Mars would be like. But I'm betting most of us wouldn't volunteer to move there permanently.

There's no shortage of people who would make the one-way trip if given the chance, according to TIME magazine and Fox News. They report Journal of Cosmology editor Lana Tao received about 400 emails from readers eager to move to Mars, excited by an aricle about the possibility of sending humans to the planet.

The article suggested that a one-way trip would be cheaper, making colonization a more realistic option.

This sounds like a scene from a bad science-fiction movie, but Tao assures us its it's for real.

TIME gave an example of the kind of letters Tao has received:
"I am ready to go to Mars. Sign me up," wrote 69-year-old computer programmer Pasha Rostov. "I do VERY well with solitude," he wrote. "I am handy with tools, very good at making things work, have generated my own solar energy, built three houses (with my own hands) and am quite sane and stable."

Some scientists aren't convinced people know what they're volunteering for. Life on Mars could actually be frightfully boring, not to mention fatal.

Original source