Never Mess with a Women

Never mess with a Women. Whatever you give to them, they will have the way to use it accordingly :p

A Punjabi lawyer working in UK wrote to his wife in India ...

Dear Sunita Darling,

I can't send you my salary this month because the global market crisis has affected my Company's performance, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart, please adjust.

Your loving husband,
Tuna Singh


His wife replied...

TINKU KE PAPPA ,

Thanks for the 100 kisses. Below is the list of expenses I paid with the Kisses...:

1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk.

2. The electricity man, Kooldip Singh, agreed not to disconnect only after 7 kisses.

3. Your landlord Kapal Singh comes every day to take 2 or 3 kisses instead of the monthly rent.

4. Supermarket owner Jaswant Singh did not accept kisses only, so I gave him other items, I hope you understand..

5. Miscellaneous expenses 40 kisses.

Please don't worry about me, I still have a balance of 35 kisses and I hope I can survive the month using this balance...
Shall I plan the same for the next month?

Your Sweet Heart,
Kichi

Vacancy for a Girl Friend

OK, this morning I got a coffee invite via message in Facebook. Since I don't know this guy so I went to check his profile and guess what I found. Something good must share around LMAO

Hi all, I m Sameer...
and I am gonna announce ...

-:: Vancancy for a Girl Friend::-

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-25 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special considerations will be undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· trips to small islands nearby
· 5 Trips to Temple
· Kulfis / Ice creams at a regular gap of 3 days
. Evenings at ECP, Changi point
. Long walk on beaches
· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel (evening snacks) worth Rs. 10 /-
· 2 movies per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and Clubs every Weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search............ never ends!!

Interested candidates can send their resume with atlest one crystal-clear without make-up photograph.

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

Disclaimer :- In the case of any conflict with applicant's x-bfs ,the decison of myself is final . No appeal will be entertained in this case. If further indiscipline is created than he and she will be held responcible and punished accordingly.

Why Women should not take husbands shopping! GREAT

BANNED FROM WAL-MART... 

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart.

Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get 1in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Samsel,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Samsel are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away.'

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' And last, but not least.

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'

Next Deepavali changes from Nov 15 to Oct 17???

What a joke LOL Pity Singaporeans and those who are in Singapore.

One month overdue ...

In New Delhi, Mr. Sharma comes homes one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck:
"I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybodyI".

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from DEB (Delhi Electric Board) because the electricity bill has not been paid..
"Am I speaking to Mrs Sharma?
"Yes, speaking"
"You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, maam, it's in our files!" says the DEB guy.
"What are you saying? It's in your files... HOW????"

"Yes.... we have a system of finding out who's overdue"
"Oh my Goodness!!!!! This is too much..."
"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue".
"I know that.... Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow"

That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the DEB office the next morning.
"What's going on? You have it on your file that my wife is one month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at DEB.

"it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? And if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle?"

School bus

School bus or a CAGE???



Awww, it's look more like a cage to me for prisoners :(