Vacancy for a Girl Friend

OK, this morning I got a coffee invite via message in Facebook. Since I don't know this guy so I went to check his profile and guess what I found. Something good must share around LMAO

Hi all, I m Sameer...
and I am gonna announce ...

-:: Vancancy for a Girl Friend::-

Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.

Designation : Junior girl friend (trainee)
Experience : Must have ditched at least 2 guys (Fresher with excellent credentials will be considered)
Other requirement : Should have the Potential to do street bargaining and fight if required.

Age : 18-25 (if the individual is too good looking but not in the age group can also apply, special considerations will be undertaken for them)
Height, weight, complexions no bar, but is subjective.

Perks and incentives:
Total gross ( Monthly ) :
· 2 gifts worth not exceeding Rs. 1000/-(no precious metals, stones)
· trips to small islands nearby
· 5 Trips to Temple
· Kulfis / Ice creams at a regular gap of 3 days
. Evenings at ECP, Changi point
. Long walk on beaches
· Daily Provision of Samosa/Bread Pakoda/Bhel (evening snacks) worth Rs. 10 /-
· 2 movies per month (on weekends)
· Visits to Shopping Malls and Clubs every Weekend (On your own expense)

A Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to demand will be gifted, subject to finance availability and to the size available with the shopkeeper.

Net Deductions (Monthly): Affair Fund and un-professional taxes will be informed on joining
The probation period is 6 months, after which confirmation (with Promotion to fulltime Girlfriend)

Plz NOTE:
1. Only females.
2. Girls who left in the last 2 months need not apply.
3. Ex-girlfriends will be eligible only if they agree to the above mentioned conditions.

There is more:
For girls who are not eligible, can take advantage of the referral. Program by referring their friend, colleagues etc.

Candle light or Tube light dinner will be given on every referral, even if candidate is not selected.

Search............ never ends!!

Interested candidates can send their resume with atlest one crystal-clear without make-up photograph.

Subject:
Name/fresher- exp/age.
Photo must be in attachment. to the email address via mail
Note: Applications without photo will be rejected.

Disclaimer :- In the case of any conflict with applicant's x-bfs ,the decison of myself is final . No appeal will be entertained in this case. If further indiscipline is created than he and she will be held responcible and punished accordingly.

Milk Shake VS Zouk Out

I got a feeling, that tonight's gonna be a good night! Not going to ZOUKOUT? Get tired of clubbing every weekend. Want to have some party and get to know new friends. Well, tell you the good news as tonight I'm gonna enjoy my free party with a huge numbers of friends!

The No Ordinary MILK SHAKE

WhosGoing.sg Signature Free Entry

RSVP
RSVP to rsvp@whosgoing.sg with your name, nric, date of birth, mobile and number of guests (with a maximum of 3 guests excluding yourself).

Printout
Alternatively, you can print out our free-entry flyer and present it at the door. Click here for the printout

Gents: Free entry from 9pm - 10.30pm with RSVP or Printout
Ladies: Free entry all night with RSVP or Printout

Free Flow for the Ladies
Do not miss this! There will be a free flow of housepours for the ladies from 9 - 11pm!

Drink Promotions
- 1-for-1 on jugs all night long
- Smirnoff Red @ $150nett
- Hennessey @ $188nett
- Belvedere @ $188nett
- Moet & Chandon 100 @ $128nett

Ambassadors
Priority entry for all ambassadors
Mention your Whosgoing.sg ID at the door to gain access to the Le Chambre Privee room for an ambassador gathering.
50% off purchases on loose house pour drinks (excluding jugs and bottles) at the Le Chambre Privee bar.

Those who wish to join the Ambassador team, please contact budiyan@whosgoing.sg with your name, nric, Whosgoing.sg ID and mobile to gain access to the Le Chambre Privee ambassador room.
(We regret that only selected applicants will be notified by email after the event)

Supperclub
Odeon Towers, 331 North Bridge Road, 6334 4080. Click here for map

RSVP to rsvp@whosgoing.sg with your particulars

OR

Print out the free-entry flyer

OR

You can download the PRINTOUT onto your mobile and show it at the door

Links
Visit the Milk Shake event page on WhosGoing.sg

Add the WhosGoing.sg Fanpage on Facebook

Follow us on twitter for real-time updates

More about Supperclub

Google Maps

Story of First Love

For those who know me personally, they will know where to find my story. Today I feel like sharing a story I found in the website. I never get to know this person but I felt her story touched me. This is a story of Lin...

My first love.

A year and a half back.
He was my first love. First boyfriend.

My first kiss.
the first guy I held hands with.
The first guy I hugged.

YES.
I'm very conservative then.

It lasted a year and one month. It has been 2 months since the day we broke up. I'm still trying to get over it, let go and move on.

Its friggin' tough.

In the process, I got kinda lost.

'What once was, is now gone.'

***
But all these only form a chapter of my life. its time to move on and start a new chapter.
Yes, I know i HAVE to.

***

WHAT MORE CAN I SAY?

=((

***
MY BLOG ENTRY THE DAY WE ENDED IT.

Currently, I just want to blog this last post about the end of my 1 year plus relationship with my boyfriend(ex). I need closure and I guess the best way is to voice out my feelings.

I dare to say that deciding to let go of him is the hardest decision I've ever made. I've decided to set him free because love is not about bounding someone.

I struggled between begging him not to give up on me; for he promised to support me through my darkest time. Yet, I finally let go of him.

I may be nonchalant and boasting about the freedom and fun I'm going to get from singlehood. But deep down, there's this heart that is forsaken and bleeding.

***

Now that I'm single, I have all the guys I need now. But seriously, my heart's not there.

***

No more 'dear' to call.
No more 'my special someone'.
No more 'dear, i love you'.
No more 'dear, i miss you'.
No more comforting hugs.
No more sweet nothings.
No more cushion to fall back on.

***

And I hope he takes my words of wisdom.

When you love someone, live for the moment and don't give yourself a limit for giving love. If you truly love, you won't hold back. Love can only take you so far. AFTER that, it becomes commitment to love, to give above and beyond yourself. Its not about 'I', it's about 'we'.

FINALLY,

I learnt a valuable lesson in love. As much as you love someone, you may not be able to live with the baggage they bring. And they cant leave it behind because it contain the sum of their being.





and thats the end of the journey with my first love.

=(

Are you the girl I met at a party in college?

A man standing in line at a check out counter of a grocery store was very surprised when a very attractive woman behind him said, "Hello!" Her face was beaming.

He gave her that "who are you look," and couldn't remember ever having seen her before.

Then, noticing his look, she figured she had made a mistake and apologized. "Look," she said "I'm really sorry but when I first saw you, I thought you were the father of one of my children," and walked out of the store.

The guy was dumbfounded and thought to himself, "What the hell is the world coming to? Here is an attractive woman who can't keep track of who fathers her children! "

Then he got a little panicky. "I don't remember her," he thought but, MAYBE..during one of the wild parties he had been to when he was in college, perhaps he did father her child!

He ran from the store and caught her in the parking lot and asked, "Are you the girl I met at a party in college and then we got really drunk and had wild crazy sex on the pool table in front of everyone?"

"No", she said with a horrified look on her face.

"I'm your son's HEBREW SCHOOL TEACHER"

Eye Test

Look at the picture below very carefully

Have you noticed the girl in the background?

Noticed her bum?

Well look at the picture carefully!

if your answer is YES then go and see an OPTOMETRIST!!!

What you see is the shoulder of the girl taking the picture!!!

HANGING TRAINS - GERMANY

Having yourself standing above cars, river and a street of people. How do you feel? Imagine that! Now there's more reason for me to visit Germany ^_^

Four things you cannot recover

Did Anyone Ever Tell You,

Just How Special You Are?

The Light that You Emit,

Might even Light a Star.

Did Anyone Ever Tell You

How Important You Make Others Feel

Somebody out here is Smiling,

Because of something you said or something you did!

1-10 and 10-1

Don't test my english ……I m good at it…

Ah Lek was asked to make a sentence using 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9,10. Not only did he do it 1 to 10, he did it again from 10 back to 1. This is what he came up with…

1 day I go 2 climb a 3 outside a house to peep. But the couple saw me, so I panic and I 4 down. The man rushed out and wanted to 5 with me. I ran until I fell 6 and threw up. So I go into 7-eleven and grabbed some 8 to throw at him. Then I took a 9 and try to stab at him. 10 God he run away.

10 I put the 9 back and pay for the 8 and left 7-eleven. Next day I called my boss and told him I was 6. He said 5 , tomorrow also no need to come back 4 work. He also asked me to go climb a 3 and jump down! I don’t understand. I am so nice 2 him but I don’t know what he 1.

妻子的空位 (The irreplaceable void)

我的妻子因為意外事故離開我身邊已經四年了，我想，妻子留下不會做任何家事的我和孩子，她的心有何等難過呢？我也因為無法兼顧父母雙親的角色而感到挫折。有一天我為了出差，清晨趕出門，無法將孩子打點好就得離開家，正巧前一天有剩下的飯，我熱了蒸蛋，向還沒有睡醒的孩子交代一聲，就出門去了。

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

為了照顧好孩子飲食三餐的事，我也無力把自己的工作做好。有一天晚上回到家，我只是很簡短地和孩子打個招呼，就因為身體疲累，不想吃晚餐，脫掉西裝之後就直接往床上躺下。就在那個時候，砰的一聲，紅色的湯汁跟泡麵瞬時弄髒了床單和被單，原來有碗泡麵在棉被裡！這小子真是的，說時遲那時快，我即時拿起一個衣架，跑出去，往正玩著玩具的兒子的屁股就打，因為我實在是太生氣了，所以不停地打他。但就在這個時候，他邊啜泣邊說了一段話，使我停了下來。

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

兒子告訴我說：「飯鍋裡的飯早上已經吃完了，晚餐在幼稚園吃了，但是到了晚上，爸爸還不回來，我就在櫥櫃的抽屜裡找到了泡麵。可是我想到爸爸說不能亂動瓦斯爐，所以我就打開洗澡的水龍頭，用熱水泡了泡麵，一個自己吃，另一個想留給爸爸吃。因為怕泡麵涼掉，所以我就把它放在棉被裡，等你回來。可是因為我正在玩向朋友借來的玩具，所以忘了跟爸爸講。」

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

我不想讓兒子看到我在流淚，所以衝到洗手間，將水龍頭打開，大聲地哭。過了一陣子之後，我打起精神來，一面哄著兒子，一面也在他屁股上擦藥，讓他上床睡覺。當我清理好泡麵弄髒的床單和棉被後，打開兒子的房門一看，發現他仍舊發出哭泣聲，手裡還拿著媽媽的照片。我把頭靠在房門站了許久，看著這一幕。

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

自從在一年前發生這件事之後，我為了扮演好媽媽的角色，更加用心地去照顧他。現在兒子快七歲了，不久後就要從幼稚園畢業，進入國小讀書。慶幸的是，兒子在這段時間毫無陰影，很開朗地成長。

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

就在不久前，我再一次打孩子，因為幼稚園來電話說，兒子沒有去學校，我心裡覺得很不安，所以早退回家，在整個社區裡大聲地喊他的名字，卻是遍尋不著。後來在文具店的門?f，看見他站在電玩的前面，於是我很生氣，又開始一直打他。兒子並沒有說出任何的解釋，只說了聲對不起。後來我才知道，原來剛好是幼稚園要邀請媽媽去
看才藝表演的日子。

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

發生這些事的幾天後，兒子回家說，他在幼稚園裡學了寫字，從此他經常關在自己的房間裡不出來，很認真地寫字。我看到兒子這個樣子，想到妻子在天國也一定會因為看到他這樣而微笑，我就無法忍住淚水。

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

時間很快，又過了一年，到了冬天，街頭上都在播放著聖誕節的歌曲，我的兒子卻又闖了一個禍。我正要下班的時候，接到一通社區郵局的電話，說我兒子把一綑沒有寫地址的信，惡作劇地放在郵筒裡。每年到了年底，正是郵局最忙碌的時候，所以這對他們造成很大的困擾。雖然我已決定不再打孩子，但在急忙趕回家後，叫了兒子來，我又忍不住痛打他一頓。兒子這一次只是說他做錯了，卻沒有講出任何理由。我把他推到一個角落，不管了，自個兒跑到郵局領回那一綑惡作劇的信。我把信丟到他眼前說：「你為什麼要這樣惡作劇？」兒子哭著回答說：「這些信是我要寄給媽媽的。」

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

當時我的眼眶紅了起來，心裡很激動，但是因為在兒子面前，所以我盡量隱忍住沒有表現出來。我接著問他：「那麼，為什麼一次寄這麼多信呢？」兒子回答說：「以前我要把信投進去的時候，因為個兒太矮，所以沒辦法投入，但是最近我再去郵筒時，已經搆得到了，所以我就把以前沒有寄的，一次全部都投進入了。」

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

我聽了以後，心中一片茫然，不知道該對孩子說什麼話。過了不久以後，我就跟他說：「媽媽現在在天上，以後你寫完信，把信燒了，就能送到天國去。」等孩子睡著之後，我到外面燒了那些信。我很好奇到底孩子想跟媽媽說些什麼，所以讀了其中的幾封信。

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

而當中有一封信攪動了我的心。

And one of the letters broke my heart....

親愛的媽媽：
我很想念你！媽媽，今天在幼稚園有才藝表演，但是因為我沒有媽媽，所以沒有去參加，我也沒有告訴爸爸，怕爸爸會想念媽媽。爸爸到處去找我，但我為了讓爸爸看到我很開心的樣子，所以故意坐在電動玩具面前，雖然爸爸罵我，但是我到最後也沒有告訴他原因。媽媽，我每天都看到爸爸因為想念媽媽而哭泣，我想爸爸也跟我一樣，很想念媽媽吧！但是，媽，我現在已經記不清楚你的臉。媽媽，請你讓我在夢中，再一次能夠看到你的臉，好嗎？聽說把想念的人的照片放在懷裡睡覺，就會夢到那個人。可是，媽媽，為什麼你沒有出現在我的夢裡呢？」

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room.. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think.. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?


讀完這封信以後，我就開始嚎啕大哭。到底什麼時候，我才能填補妻子的空位呢？

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....


給 已經結婚的女同事：

不要加太多班，工作做不完，一定是公司的某些地方出問題了，一定要將問題反應給妳的老闆，一直加班也不見的有用的，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝。

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.

給 已經結婚的男同事：

不要喝太多酒，不要抽太多煙，請問我們的生意，我們的客戶，有比我們的身體重要嗎？
一定要想一想，有沒有辦法做到客人非我們不行，我們的差異化在哪裡，我們是否真的懂客人的心，這比拼命喝酒，還重要，請務必要照顧自己的身體，才可以好好疼惜妳的小寶貝和你的愛人。

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

給 還沒有結婚的男同事和女同事：

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.
美其實是從愛自己的身體開始 --（蔣勳，身體美學）。
無入而不自得 -- （孔子）。

妳/你們一定要很自在，工作才能做的好，如果工作讓你/妳們的心情做的很辛苦，代表的是我們的公司不夠聰明，那也是公司什麼地方不對了，要勇敢的說出來，不要讓不聰明的工作與老闆，傷害了妳/你們的身體。

10 Geekiest Panties

You know you want it, but are you ready for it? Get ready to check out these cute but sexciting undies that may turn you on, hehehe

Please login before proceed

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Game (next level)

Void if removed, I'm blogging this

Super Mario

iPhone under your pants

Can't get enough of Space Invaders

LIFE IS SHORT...

BARBIE DOLL has her 50th birthday this year...

Tweety Bird is 60 years old!

And what about all our other ...

CHILDHOOD

SUPERHEROES?

Superman

Thor

Wonder Woman (touch of menopause here?)

Batman and Robin

Spiderman

"Life is short, break the rules, forgive sooner, kiss slowly, laugh without control and always keep smiling !

Maybe life is not the party that we were expecting, but in the mean time, we're here and we can still dance....."

How to attract a man

Remember ladies, the best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That's why it's so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. If it weren't for the excellent application of proper eye makeup this young lady probably wouldn't get a second look from most guys.

I could be wrong!!!

so where are u guys looking at!

free some time to attend the Management course

Management Course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'


After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.


The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'

'It was Bob the next door neighbor she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'


Moral of the story:

If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure

Lesson 2:


A priest offered a Nun a lift.

She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.

The priest nearly had an accident.

After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.

The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'

The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily
and went on her way.

On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'
Puff! She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'

Puff! He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after
lunch.'

Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4


An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.


Moral of the story:
Bull S *# t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..



Lesson 6


A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.


Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who s*#* s on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of s*# t is your
friend.

(3) And when you're in deep s*# t, it's best to keep
your mouth shut!

You gotta love women

An old man and woman were married for many years, even though they hated each other.

When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night.

The old man would shout, 'When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!' Neighbors feared him. They believed he practiced black magic, because of the many strange occurrences that took place in their neighbourhood.

The old man liked the fact that he was feared. To everyone's relief, he died of a heart attack when he was 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the wake. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow...

Her neighbours, concerned for her safety, asked, 'Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life?'

The wife put down her drink and said, 'Let him dig. I had him buried upside down......'

Bloody women they think of everything!!!!

Never get help from the internet...

Especially if you don't know any of them =X

Aids Warning!

SENIOR CITIZENS
ARE THE NATION'S LEADING CARRIERS OF AIDS!


HEARING AIDS

BAND AIDS

ROLL AIDS

WALKING AIDS

MEDICAL AIDS

GOVERNMENT AIDS

MOST OF ALL,

MONETARY AID TO THEIR KIDS!


Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.


I'm only sending this to my 'old' friends.



I love to see you smile.
Not forgetting HIV (Hair is Vanishing)

Too beautiful NOT to share?

A Story to live by

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind. She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her. She told her boyfriend, 'If I could only see the world, I will marry you.'

有一位瞎女很討厭自己因為眼睛瞎了。她也討厭每個人，唯一不討厭的是她的男朋友，因為他都常守在她身旁。於是她對她的男朋友說：「如果能讓我看到這個世界，我愿意嫁給你！」

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.
有一天，有人捐了一對眼精給她。當紗布解開時，她能夠看到一切，包括她的男朋友。

He asked her, 'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?' The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.
男朋友問她：「現在你可以看到這世界，你愿意嫁給我嗎？」那女孩看了男朋友是個瞎子，他那對蓋上眼皮的眼睛嚇到了她，這是她無法想像。她想：要我嫁給他而一生對着他這個樣子，我無法接受。

Her boyfriend left in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'
於是，她的男朋友很傷心的離開她，幾天後寫了字條給她：「親愛的，請你好好照顧你的眼睛，因為它不是屬於你的之前，它是屬於我的。」

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes. Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.
這也是人的腦會如何做當情況有所變動。只有少許人會記得他或她之前的生活及誰會在身旁當他或她處在困境的時候

Life Is a Gift
生命是一份禮物

Today before you say an unkind word - Think of someone who can't speak.
今天，當你要講一句不善之言－－請想想那些無法講話的人

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.
當你要埋怨食物的味道時－－請想想那些沒有食物吃的人

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.
當你要埋怨你的先生或太太時－－請想想那些在向上天哭訴要一個伴侶的人

Today before you complain about life - Think of someone who died too early on this earth.
今天，當你要埋怨生活時－－請想想那些太早離開人世間的人

Before you complain about your children - Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
當你要埋怨小孩時－－請想想那些渴望小孩而無能生育的人

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep - Think of the people who are living in the streets.
當你要爭論沒有人清理屋子時－－請想想那些住在街邊的人

Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
當你在哀訴駕駛的路程－－請想想那些同樣的路程以代步的人

And when you are tired and complain about your job - Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.
當你很疲備而埋怨工作時－－請想想那些無工作，殘疾的，及那些多麼希望擁有你這份工作的人

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another - Remember that not one of us is without sin.
當你想要指著人或互相譴責時－－請記得沒有一個人是無罪

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and think: you're alive and still around.
當壓抑的念頭讓你無法振作時－－請你笑一笑想想：你還活著存在世間！

==========================

I PRAY THIS MOVES AROUND THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE...

我祈禱這訊息能夠繼續傳至全人類...

Santa the Priest

Fed up with people making fun of him, Santa Singh the sardar) decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, He called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him.

Santa told him he wouldn't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do. Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the Confessional.

A few minutes later a woman came in and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"
Woman:" I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"
Woman: "Three times"

Priest: "Say Two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Priest: "What did you do?"
Man: "I committed adultery"

Priest: "How many times?"
Man: "Three times"

Priest: "Say two Hail Marys, put $ 5.00 in the charity box, and sin no more"

Santa, a quick learner, told the priest that he understood the job and the priest could leave.

Santa D'costa was now alone. A few minutes later another woman entered and said "Father, forgive me for I have sinned"

Santa: "What did you do?"
Woman: "I committed adultery"

Santa: "How many times?"
Woman: "Once"

Santa: "Go do it two more times, we have a special offer this week, three times for $ 5.00......

Credit card frauds - BEWARE

Be sure to read Scene 3

Quite interesting.

SCENE 1.

This is a new one.

People sure stay busy trying to cheat us, don't they?

A friend went to the local gym and placed his belongings in the locker.
After the workout and a shower, he came out, saw the locker open, and thought to himself, "Funny, I thought I locked the locker.

Hmm, "He dressed and just flipped the wallet to make sure all was in order.

Everything looked okay - all cards were in place.

A few weeks later his credit card bill came - a whooping bill of $14,000!

He called the credit card company and started yelling at them, saying that he did not make the transactions.

Customer care personnel verified that there was no Mistake in the system and asked if his card had been stolen.

"No," he said, but then took out his wallet, pulled out the credit card, and yep - you guessed it - a switch had been made.

An expired similar credit card from the same bank was in the wallet.

The thief broke into his locker at the gym and switched cards.

Verdict:The credit card issuer said since he did not report the card missing earlier, he would have to pay the amount owed to them.

How much did he have to pay for items he did not buy?

$9,000! Why were there no calls made to verify the amount swiped?

Small amounts rarely trigger a "warning bell" with some credit card companies.

It just so happens that all the small amounts added up to big one!

SCENE 2.

A man at a local restaurant paid for his meal with his credit card.

The bill for the meal came, he signed it,and the waitress folded the receipt and passed the credit card along.

Usually, he would just take it and place it in his wallet or pocket. Funny enough, though, he actually took a look at the card and, lo and behold, it was the expired card of another person.

He called the waitress and she looked perplexed.

She took it back, apologized, and hurried back to the counter under the watchful eye of the man.

All the waitress did while walking to the counter was wave the wrong expired card to the counter cashier, and the counter cashier immediately looked down and took out the real card.

No exchange of words --- nothing! She took it and came back to the man with an apology.

Verdict:

Make sure the credit cards in your wallet are yours.

Check the name on the card every time you sign for something and/or the card is taken away for even a short period of time.

Many people just take back the credit card without even looking at it, "assuming" that it has to be theirs.

FOR YOUR OWN SAKE, DEVELOP THE HABIT OF CHECKING YOUR CREDIT CARD EACH TIME IT IS RETURNED TO YOU AFTER A TRANSACTION!

SCENE 3:

Yesterday I went into a pizza restaurant to pick up an order that I had called in.

I paid by using my Visa Check Card which, of course, is linked directly to my checking account.

The young man behind the counter took my card, swiped it, then laid it on the counter as he waited for the approval, which is pretty standard procedure.

While he waited, he picked up his cell phone and started dialing.

I noticed the phone because it is the same model I have, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Then I heard a click that sounded like my phone sounds when I take a picture.

He then gave me back my card but kept the phone in his hand as if he was still pressing buttons.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking: I wonder what he is taking a picture of, oblivious to what was really going on.

It then dawned on me: the only thing there was my credit card, so now I'm paying close attention to what he is doing.

He set his phone on the counter, leaving it open.

About five seconds later, I heard the chime that tells you that the picture has been saved.

Now I'm standing there struggling with the fact that this boy just took a picture of my credit card.

Yes, he played it off well, because had we not had the same kind of phone, I probably would never have known what happened.

Needless to say, I immediately canceled that card as I was walking out of the pizza parlor.

All I am saying is, be aware of your surroundings at all times.

Whenever you are using your credit card take caution and don't be careless.

Notice who is standing near you and what they are doing when you use your card.

Be aware of phones, because many have a camera phone these days.

When you are in a restaurant and the waiter/waitress brings your card and receipt for you to sign, make sure you scratch the number off.

Some restaurants are using only the last four digits, but a lot of them are still putting the whole thing on there.

I have already been a victim of credit card fraud and, believe me, it is not fun. The truth is that they can get you even when you are careful, but don't make it easy for them.

FORWARD THIS TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS YOU CAN THINK OF. LET'S GET THE WORD OUT! JUST BE AWARE